Things I'll Never Say
by Upended Heart
Summary: The events after Boarderline, minor spoilers if you haven't seen the episode.Will the cut off 'I love you' tear a hole in Matt and Emily's relationship?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: The title of this fic is from the song Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavinge, these are the full lyrics:

I'm tugging at my hair

I'm pulling at my clothes

I'm trying to keep my cool

I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet

My cheeks are turning red

I'm searching for the words inside my head

I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

'Cuz I know you're worth it, you're worth this

Yeah...

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down on one knee

Marry me today!

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

It don't do me any good

It's just a waste of time

What use is it to you, what's on my mind?

If it ain't comin' out (If it ain't comin' out)

We're not goin' anywhere

So why can't I just tell you that I care?

'Cuz I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

'Cuz I know you're worth it, you're worth it

Yeah...

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down on one knee

Marry me today!

Guess I'm wishing my life away

(Uh) With these things I'll never say

What's wrong, with my tongue

These words keep slippin' away

I stutter, I stumble

Like I've got nothin' to say

'Cuz I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

'Cuz I know you're worth it, you're worth it

Yeah

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

If I could say what I want to say

I'd say I want to blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down on one knee

Marry me today!

Guess I'm wishing my life away

With these things I'll never say

These things I'll never say

**Disclaimer: I do not own Standoff or any of the characters named and no infringement was intended**

The ride back across the border was silent for the most part. Occasionally Emily, who was reading the map, would give directions to Matt, but other than that each agent was lost in thought.

Emily had always prided herself on not letting show when something got to her, it was what had kept her from being teased even worse in high school, but back their, in front of Matt, she had come completely undone. Truth be told, if she wasn't so upset and confused that Matt cut her off, she probably would have been grateful to him for shutting her up. As it was, however, he _had _cut her off, that had startled Emily, he wasn't sure why matt had done it. She had figured at the time he just wasn't ready, but now she wasn't so sure. She hadn't missed the look of shocked hurt he had after she told him she just meant 'thanks.' Matt never was good about hiding things, she smiled as she remembered the day that Matt had spilled the beans about their relationship. She had been so upset that day, but now, looking back she was kind of glad that he had. It had allowed tem to take their relationship further. Though not as far as she thought, Emily suddenly sobered remembering why she was so upset and went back to brooding.

Matt had glanced over at Emily and seen her smiling. He was kind of upset at her, how could she be smiling now? Of course, she doesn't think anything's the matter, doesn't realize she just broke his heart… Okay, so maybe he was being a little dramatic, but she had hurt him. After all, if she had really meant to say… it, she would have, she had the perfect opportunity back their, although, she also had opportunity in the shack, but he had cut her off. Thinking back, he wished he hadn't, he thought he was saving her from rushing into something because she thought she was going to die, but she didn't grab the chance after they were out of danger. Maybe she really did just mean thanks.

The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. When they reached Arizona, Cheryl was there to meet them. 

"You'll need to both be checked over by medics, the ambulance is her for the DEA agents." Cheryl said. Then she noticed Emily's arm.

"What happened Emily?" She asked guiding her towards the medics.

"I poked my arm into a rusty nail." Emily replied grimacing as the EMTs went to work on her. Matt stood there watching her, amazed that even though their relationship was on rocky ground, she still managed to capture his attention, he was jerked back into reality and seen to by the EMTs.

He was treated for some minor cuts and bruises before being set loose, thankful he didn't have to go to the hospital.

Emily was released after getting a tetanus shot and promising to visit a doctor in LA.

After they were checked out Cheryl rounded them up, she was surprised that they weren't together but shrugged it off

"Okay, Officer Delgo will escort you to the airport, you are to fly home. I'm giving you the rest of the week off to relax and recoup. See you next week." She said, then strode off. Matt and Emily looked at each other, but upon making eye contact, they look away again. Emily looked back at Matt, but looked away. Matt then glanced back at Emily, but turned forward again. They both got into the Officer's car and began the long journey home.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews! I hope you like this chapter.**

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After the plane ride, which went by with barely two words spoken between them, a cab dropped them off at CNU headquarters so that they could drive themselves home. That when it hit them. Emily's car was in the shop, Matt had driven her to work that day.

"_Oh hell no!" _Emily and Matt thought at the same time. Emily wasn't sure how much more awkward silence she could take. She wasn't sure about a lot of things all of a sudden.

Matt smiled tentatively at Emily and they walked over to his car. As they were driving along to Emily's apartment, they were both lost in thought.

"_I don't now about this whole relationship." _Emily was considering something that she wouldn't have dreamed of doing before the whole Mexico fiasco. _"It's not like I want to break up with him… He great, but I have to face the reality. This "thing" just isn't working to well." _Emily mentally sighed when she thought about having to break-up with him. She knew it would be for the best. She looked over at Matt, he was gripping the steering wheel tightly, almost constantly running his fingers through his hair. He had such lovely hair, always soft and silky, she loved playing with his hair when they were kissing. _"Okay, gotta stop that train of thought before I get derailed."_ Emily focused on her analysis. _"Judging by how stiff he is being and how plainly agitated he is, he's probably thinking the same thing, good, this will be easy and professional then." _Emily consoled herself and when back to looking at the scenery rushing by.

Matt wasn't thinking what Emily was, that's for sure. If fact his train of thought was kind of the opposite of Emily's.

"_I should tell her, I should tell her that I love her. Even if she doesn't love me back, I should tell her, then at least she'll know how I feel."_ Matt ran his fingers through his hair again. _"When we get to her place, I'll tell her, then we can see were we go from there." _Matt was determined, having that decided, he when back to concentrating on the road.

They finally reached Emily's apartment. Emily turned to Matt and Matt turned to Emily. They both just looked at each other for what seemed like forever, Emily was getting lost in Matt's deep brown eyes. She pulled herself out and reminding herself what she was going to say.

"Matt, I need to tell you something." Emily began, Matt opened his mouth to speak, but Emily just held up her hand for silence. "I think that what I'm about to tell you has been on your mind too."

Matt smiled, she would say it then, good, he wouldn't be left wondering.

"I know this isn't going to be easy, especially because we work together."

Now Matt was confused, what did love have to do with working together, it's not like there were going to get married, although it's not like he hadn't thought about getting married. Matt tuned back into Emily as she began to talk again.

"But, we are both adults, and I know that we can behave as adults, which is why I think that we can be mature. So I know that there won't be any problems when we break-up."

Matt sat there, just blinking, then it hit him… She wanted to break-up with him!

"But Emily…" He began to say. Emily just raised her hand.

"We don't really need to discuss this do we? I'm sure we both agree it's for the better, don't you think? Well, Goodnight Flannery, thanks for the lift."

Emily gave Matt a quick hug then turned to leave the car. Matt finally reacted, grabbing her arm he turned her around to face him. Before Emily had time to pull away from his grasp, he kissed her. Emily felt her knees go weak as soon as his lips pressed against hers, she knew it was a good thing she was sitting otherwise she would have fallen from the lack of support her body was getting. She ran her fingers through his hair, instinctively. Just as they were about to deepen the kiss, Emily came to her senses. She pulled away.

"Goodbye Matt, see you at work." She said, then she got out of his car and booked it to her apartment, so that he wouldn't notice the tears streaming down her face.

"Yeah, goodbye Em, I love you." Matt said to thin air as he put his car in drive and rode of to his house to think some things over.

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**Please don't hurt me, I promise I will make it all better... Eventually ;)**


End file.
